That your friend hasn’t taken your advice yet-that he’s still wallowing in his grief-doesn’t mean your advice was bad, FRIED, only that he’s not ready to take it. And, almost without a doubt, it’s the same advice your friend would’ve given or already has given to a friend of his own after a breakup. Get out of the house, do shit, go places, meet people-that’s the same advice I would’ve given him and it’s the same advice every other advice columnist on the planet would’ve given him. But continue to give him the advice you’ve been giving him, which is both standard and excellent. That would come as cold comfort to your friend, of course, so don’t pass it on to him. So, if your friend’s ex knew it was over, FRIED, they did your friend a favor by refusing to go through the motions of “working on it.” The only thing worse than being dumped by someone who refuses to “work with you on fixing it” is being dumped by someone who already made up their mind to dump you-meaning the relationship was already dead-but then wasted months or years of your life pretending to work on it.
Do you have any advice for him to make more friends and/or find a new romantic partner? He also mentioned to me that people our age (thirties) are more transphobic than younger people, but he doesn’t want to be the kind of 30-something perv who dates people in their twenties. I don’t want to be dismissive about his experience as a trans person (I’m a cis woman), but I keep trying to walk the fine line of encouraging my friend to reach out, meet people through community events, volunteering, etc. Even without the trans part, it’s not easy to be a 30-something single man in a liberal college town. We met in the college town where he still lives, but our entire friend circle (including me) has moved away. He told me women often reject him once they find out he is trans and he’s tired of endless rejections.
His ex suddenly lost interest in him and wouldn’t work with him on fixing it.
Recently he just got out of a shitty relationship.
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